Yep. That's right. I have forbidden my son to use the words "I'm Sorry" for the rest of the day. Is this a free pass to do whatever he wants without any consequences? Absolutely not. Then why on earth would I forbid those words?
I have lost my mind.
No, really, the words are empty and meaningless when he says them. I have taught him from the moment he was old enough to speak to say the words "I'm sorry" when he has done something wrong. Hit your sibling, say I'm sorry. Disobey, say I'm sorry. But, I have taught him a get out of jail free card. Saying those words are what you are to say to get out of trouble. But in truth, those words are to mean so much more. I've essentially taught my son to lie.
Those two words should mean that you have realized you have made a mistake. Those words are to be said when you truly want to let the person know who has been offended that you realize your mistake and you would like to make things right.
Instead, as soon as I start speaking to my son, he starts chanting, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...." over and over and louder than I am speaking. He doesn't mean it. He is essentially saying "Stop, be done. Stop. Be done..." And, chanting over top of what I am saying is even worse disobedience.
So. It's time to make a change. For the rest of day, my son is not allowed to say those words. He must come up with other words to express that he knows that he has done something wrong. Well, you might be thinking, what are other words? "Please forgive...". God calls us to forgive each other, not to say "sorry" until you are blue in the face.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
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My daughter does this too! It gets very annoying. She'll say I'm sorry and then that it wasn't her fault.
ReplyDeleteMy HUSBAND (lol) does this. When we first me it drove me crazy. He has since learned to not say it unless he actually means it. Part of it comes from the way he grew up, his mother never let things go (forgave), so he just felt the need to keep apologizing to get her off his back (not saying that is what is going on in your house at all, just commenting!)
ReplyDeleteI try to get my kids to say, "I'm sorry I did xyz. Will you forgive me?". Then the other person is held responsible too. Course, saying sorry doesn't mean there is no consequence either, ya know?
I love this. We practice this idea at my preschool. When a child wrongs another child, we teach the wronged child to express with words how they feel, and to tell the other child for ex: "I do not like it when you hit me" We have more of a discussion about the incident. To ask a child to just say sorry it does nothing. It has no meaning. It is just as you mentioned the "get out of jail card" to just say it then go back to what they were doing w/out a true idea of how it made the other child or adult feel. I think for parents and for teachers sometimes it is too much work to actually sit there as a mediator and discuss the problem. It is easier to say "SAY SORRY" and in other cases parents and teachers just do not know any better. I like your thinking. Thank you for sharing! =)
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